Review: Hellerud Cafe

On the speakers: There is a children’s Lucia procession walking around the shopping centre, singing, which is being fed through the speakers. 

Time on the clock: 12:06

Price of a cappuccino: 42 kr

The mood here is quite good, with the super cute Lucia procession going on. 

You see a luciabolle in the picture, they’re delicious. Tradition is that on the 13th of December children go around singing and handing these out, to remember the martyr St Lucia, white was killed on that day. It has nothing to do with Christmas. Back in the day however, the 13th was connected to Lucifer, and the names are awfully similar. Trolls, demons, imps and other of his downworldlings would roam from farm to farm to check that everything was ready for Christmas, and if it wasn’t they could reign havoc on the farm. Maybe that’s why we now connect this tradition with Christmas, mixing the two?

If it is not right do not do it, if it is not true do not say it

                              ~ Marcus Aurelius

This coffee has certainly put the Lucifer in my Lucia… First of all: 42 kr for a single shot of espresso??? Are you f*ing me? Ohhhh sweet coffee, if this wasn’t in the name of science… I tried having a sip, but all I got was foam, it took a propper swig, still only foam. Turns out the main part of my cup is foam, and just under half the cup is coffee. Pretty shit. Should I have known by the cinamon on top? Maybe… I would cover it in foam and hope noone notices too if I was them. This is that cold last bit of coffee in the pot, left over in the breakroom, for that poor sucker who is the last to go on her break. You don’t have to taste it before rinsing it out rather than expose your taste buds to such blatant violation. But her with am. Violated. To Lucifer with this place!

Yeah. Ouch. Worst thing is, when places like this make coffee like that, it’s not them that suffer, it’s the clients. They might loose a few people, but being the only coffee shop in the centre, and the only centre in 1.2 miles radius, what is a poor shopper with heavy bags and a need for a break supposed to do? I wish more would take some pride in their products, but i guess some (many) are all about quick, cheap, easy, what have you. That’s why we need to choose the small places, the everyman, the little coffee shops, that care what they make. 

Final verdict: 2/6 stars 🌟 🌟 (because Hjelle Bakeri is making the standard for receiving 1 star so low that I don’t know if anyone will ever be that bad again) 

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