On the speakers: Literally too shocked to remember
Price of a blueberry cappuccino: £5
Time on the clock: 15:20
Did Halloween come early this year? Because THIS WAS A HORROR FILM.
I am still in shock. WHAT was this guy doing? Usually they’re a perfectly alright option.
However. This guy. This guy. Where do I start? He looked so cool! And seemed so confident! I was thinking ‘this coffee might actually be ok’ and was starting to look forward to my blueberry cappuccino.
He pressed the ground beans, placed them in the machine, and left it…. Ok? My thoughts started racing. I looked at him, I looked at the hopper, back at him. My eyebrows might have been attempting some form of sign language. “Save the espresso!”
He steamed his milk, I could smell the porridge, and then he came over to where I was standing and BAM! BAM! proper bashing the milk jug on the counter. I jumped. BAM BAM BAM!! I kept looking at him, thinking “Jesus Christ man, what’s with the anger issues?”
Then he left the milk to make the coffee, which must be well and truly burnt to a crisp by now. Brought the espresso over, grabbed the milk, swiveled it around faster and more violently than a hooker on a pole (Yes, it was that bad!) and sploshed it in to the cup. No attempt at art, and placed it front of me.
“There we are. Have a lovely day.” He said, smiling at me. I felt like clinging to the counter as if it was the rig on on a boat in a storm. Screaming “Lovely day? Lovely day? I’ll spend three months in therapy after what you just pulled!” But I took my ‘coffee’ in my shaking hands and wobbled out, head spinning.
That was exhausting!
When I got my pulse back to a steady rythm I tried the coffee. Lo and behold, it tasted like crap.
Thank you Dromedar. Honestly. This was worst than anything. Anything.
Final verdict: 0! 💔
I am so so SO shocked. There are no words. No words.